What really works and what doesn’t

On a daily basis I come across people who seem to be more beautiful, more intelligent, more successful, kinder or happier than me. There are endless reasons why I let myself compare with others that it can become an obstaclein my life when I make this a daily habit.

With all the changes in society and the progress of science I should probably just start to accept that in this dynamic world, the only way to survive would probably be to never give up on investing in my personal development.

I want a better job? I better start becoming a super-hero version of myself to stand out within the hundreds of potential candidates for the job.

Or other people might be in a relationship and fearing that they will never be good enough. I realized that the only actual way to overcome this is to start doing the inner work of believing that in reality no human is better than the other.

There are reasons why certain people might seem to excel in life as I wish for myself. We are differently raised in parental education, environment and the opportunities that have passed by, as well as the ones I’ve seized. The behaviour that comes along with that is the result and quality of the current state of my life.

The good news is that personal growth is a free source available to anyone.

And if there’s one reason why investing in personal growth should become my best friend, it is that it’s there to help overcoming the difficult phases. Taking the time to invest in my personal growth will free me from the walls of negative thinking. It will free me from everything that hurts my soul and growth.

First, I would like to emphasize that little bit of competition can be healthy.In fact, I even believe when I don’t allow this, my personal growth will stop and never reach its full potentialBecause competition shows me what I canreach, not necessarily what I should. It simply demonstrates the results I can achieve when I never stop shooting for the stars.

The other side, unfortunately is, that when I start comparing myself with others, it might take a negative turn. When I feel insecure about myself that I stop taking opportunities or avoid social situations, I believe it is important to research what could help to resolve this.

For a very long time I’ve asked myself what could possibly help me stop comparing myself with others. I read dozen of articles on this, but so far none of them has provided me with satisfying answers. And there was no way other than experiencing the remedy itself.

What doesn’t work

Let’s first start with the part that doesn’t work and I hope you can relate to this.

I’ve read about stories of couples in a relationship, feeling like they can never be good enough for the other one. I’ve also seen this happening in my personal environment. Destructive feelings such as jealousy and suspicion might rise when people don’t get the confirmation they need.

It can even become more disastrous when there has been unfaithfulness.

I wondered myself what could nurture someone’s sadness when the person has gone through unfaithfulness?

And what would I do or feel myself if one day someone would leave me for a person who might even not be more attractive.

Regardless if “the other one” were more attractive, the reality then is ‘I will be left’ for someone else. And what happens after is wondering what the other person has that I don’t have. (This can also happen in non-romantic relationships, in friendships that end.)

The support of friends and family probably goes like this:

“You’re beautiful.”

“You’re more than good enough. It’s not your fault.”

“Nah, don’t be so weird, it will get better, you’re a great person.”

“He doesn’t deserve you. You have everything as a person.”

The most common action is trying to see all the flaws in that other person. That doesn’t work for long.

Finding someone else’s flaws is really difficult. In reality that other person might not be less beautiful (or better) than me. It would be just my insecurity at the moment trying to fool me that the other person is a weird one. But in reality, there will still be this nagging feeling of comparing myself with others.

The difficulty of thinking “I might never be good enough” doesn’t go away withonly a positive mindset. And although a positive mindset can start miracles and is a good first step, when action is missing out, no positive progress will be made.

There are other affirmations as well, such as:

– Learn to be more grateful

– Accepting who I am

– Stop looking at people’s profiles on social media

These affirmations might help, but don’t always immediately fill the emptiness within that leads to this act.

What does work

Finding the things in life I care about and that ‘one thing’ that people can wake me up for at 3 A.M. helped me to stop comparing myself with others.

This part of life is even more important than I could have ever imagined. This is the only practical advice that actually does work, because when I start (literally) working on myself and finding the things in life I care about, my actions will be followed by results. These results will give me the satisfaction I initially didn’t have and led to the unnecessary action of comparing myself with others.

When I discover my skills and qualities, there won’t be anyone who can shake my confidence. Why? Because of these exact results it will bring, giving joy and peace and helping create inner confidence that I’m good enough. That there is no need to compare myself with others. There really isn’t.

There are some great myths surrounding this topic. When reading headlines such as:“Find your passion/calling/destiny” or “Find something you’re good at”, I initially thought that this applies only to the entrepreneurs in life. To the heroes who build their life through hustling, sweating blood and tears while making their life a success.

But regardless of how small or big my influence is, these human topics are no exceptions for anyone.

I’m happy because I found my strengths

Finding my strengths is one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned. Because it helped me to explore my core gift to the world: that one thing which makes me feel alive when I do it.

Action is crucial

I don’t have to become the most excellent professor in the world, unless I want to. It is not about how high my status goes. (p.s. or I might try)

If I have neglected my writings, I can write something new today and make even greater plans.

If I want to continue studying, I will make of list of the studies I’m interested in.

Or I can make it even simpler: enjoying life by doing fun things such as taking a long walk to beach, hiking (even if it’s not a marathon), helping others — it all counts.

I’ve learned to surround myself with people who are one step ahead of me in the same area of personal growth. I’ve learned about taking my life to the next level. And there is so much more in life I haven’t discovered yet.

Creating a new life is exciting, but the action part is immensely crucial.

Realistic thoughts

Even if I become the most super confident human in the world, there will be a moment when I will feel that I start to compare myself with others again. But, the crucial difference is, I can let go easier of the thought than I could before. It will not bother me as much anymore. I can see life at a larger scale, not wanting to control what I can’t control. Accepting that humans are different, but each and every one of us is truly special and unique.

Again, becoming confident about myself is not about how high my status will go, it is about the peak my inner peace reaches.

This article originally appeared in Be Yourself.