The essence of self-love

I am writing this article to help you understand what the process of self-love means and get rid of all the clichés (although they are a little bit true, but there is hope in life lessons, you know).

Usually when we speak about self-love we automatically think of romantic relationships“Love yourself first, before you can love anyone else” is a phrase you must have heard a lot. I’ve heard it a lot as well, and to be honest, I get a little bit sick and tired to hear this one coming up every time when people are asking me: “Why haven’t you committed yourself to marriage?”

Well, I don’t know. I probably haven’t thought about it very seriously until now. I’m also very glad I didn’t commit myself in those times, because I didn’t realize enough at the time that love and marriage aren’t just some phases in life. To commit yourself to a lifelong promise, it takes more than only ‘Yes, I do’. It not only means loving your other half fully, but also yourself. Puttingyour own soul as the cherry on top is what self-love reminds of and is an unexpectedly hard thing to do.

Whether we like or not, no one will become an exception in learning this, in a sometimes hard way life has meant for us.

In the end self-love (or self-care) goes much deeper. It covers several areas in our life such as:

  • Understanding which basics keep you balanced in life
  • Understanding the importance of your physical and emotional health
  • Being assertive and prioritizing your needs

When we look at these three points we see this topic doesn’t apply only for romantic relationships, but it is a generally important topic.

Then the question is: how do I achieve this? How can I become so self-absorbed? Okay, a little joke. We don’t need to be arrogant, over-independent-assertive people. That is not what self-love is about.

Life brings ups and downs, forever, as long as you live, and so this journey of self-love will be a lifelong lesson. However, there is a certain moment in your life when you realize putting the needs of others above yourself will no longer work. Through the seasons of life you will learn how to manage yourself. It is then when you start waking up that no one else will do the work for you.

And wouldn’t it be just great if you could live your life by yourselfTo not bescared anymore and see all of your own great potential?

When I wonder of this in the middle of the night, I wonder at the same time what solutions could help reaching a higher state of self-love. In those moments I really don’t need any mantra-mindfulness-steps. I’m a pragmatic person in these cases. I like to solve problems, to not just breathe them away.

And this is what I did.

In those very difficult moments I focus on what self-love can mean to me and what I can do in form of practical steps.

This is the outcome:

Take enough rest.

Prioritize your emotional and physical health. It doesn’t matter if there are times when we are not so good at doing this. What matters is that you strive towards this and eventually it will become easier for you to take good care of your emotional and physical health. The basics in life are truly our greatest essentials. You will read this in almost every article on self-love, because it is true!

There is nothing wrong with feeling lonely sometimes.

The topic of self-love can easily become a disliked one if we keep forcing ourselves unnaturally. Just be aware and practise. In the end you are the right person who can take care of yourself best. Take an honest look at yourself and take the time to reflect on this. Those reflections are valuable.

These steps, besides praying, have helped me to complain less and to become aware of my own being. To have more fun in life and to be patient for the great things that are yet to come.

At the same time don’t give up on your hopes and dreams or becoming apathetic for the love and help other people show us. Self-love doesn’t mean to become this topmr-mrs-independent human being. It only means to take the responsibility for your life as it is, and by means of this, to not indulge in self pity or neglecting your own value.

Sometimes we tend to give up quickly. But reaching a certain peak in our personal growth takes time. It truly takes time. Practice is what makes the difference. And when you fall (there is no failing) just get back up again. You will see you have come a long way. All of your learned life lessons will not leave you empty handed.

The collection of all those crucial learning moments will teach you to take the responsibility of your life. A journey to our inner selves will, sooner or later, lead us to a beautiful manifested and deserved life.

This article originally appeared in The Ascent.